Can Purell be used as lube?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
