she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just gift wrapped bread.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
