I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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