I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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