In the future we'll all be gay
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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