there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am naked and annoyed.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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