'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
