I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
