Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
