fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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