I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
