i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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