We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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