so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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