dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
