It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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