Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So apparently I’m into choking now
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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