I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My vagina just recognized that song.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
