meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
