So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
