ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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