I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
