you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
