the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My ass is underappreciated
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
