Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she pinky promised me she was 18
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
