JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
