i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
