Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
