I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
