it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
