Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
