mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
