Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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