Apparently you make a good broom.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
