Got a toothbrush?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
