Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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