I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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