I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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