these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
