My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hippo gnu deer
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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