i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
