I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
