Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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