I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
