Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
