Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
