I hate your face
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
