Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
