i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
