omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
