That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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