Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
