chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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